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Angielskie dowcipy / Occasions

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Wedding Questions and Answers

Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding? Not if you are the groom. How many showers is the bride supposed to have? At least one within a week of the wedding. What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony? Anything except "Tied to... [cały ->]

Top 10 signs Santa doesn't like your kid

Top 10 signs Santa doesn't like your kid: 10. Kid's letter to North Pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!" 9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes 8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling 7. By the ... [cały ->]

Top 10 signs of a bad christmas tree

Top 10 signs you bought a bad christmas tree: 10. Two feet tall, forty feet wide 9. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?" 8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it 7. While you s... [cały ->]

The Facts of Life

THE FACTS OF LIFE The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with. Nothing in the known uni... [cały ->]

Sure signs that you're broke!

1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" 2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant. 3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank. 4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic... [cały ->]

Rejected Public Holidays

Top 12 Rejected Public Holidays 12 Start of Christmas Season Day 11 False Labor Day 10 Make a Move on Your Secretary Day 9 Hallmark Card Day 8 Bring Your Handgun to Work Day 7 Newtsmas 6 Deadbeat Father's Day 5 Bad Hair Day 4 Put Your... [cały ->]

Psychological Christmas Songs

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are. DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas. NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me) MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and Hous... [cały ->]

Pregnancy Advice...

Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs? A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all. Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant? A. Have se... [cały ->]

Odd Wedding Gifts

100 facecloths 25 darning needles any kind of keychain with something _way_ too big to fit in pocket or purse bag of potting mix box of legal size hanging file folders bucket of sand cat door cellophane tape and staples dairy for 1991 exquis... [cały ->]

New rules for dieting!

1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out. 3. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount. 4. Foods used for medicinal purpose... [cały ->]

Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar

December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Apply gold leaf, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards. December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 Us... [cały ->]

MAFIA Valetine Card Verses

My love for you... it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement. I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes. Lie down with me -- it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa. I... [cały ->]

Long list of annoyances!

*** Things that can and do bother the "normal" person. *** Having to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thingy in the middle of them. The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle. T... [cały ->]

Learn your ABC's - Mom Style!

A - Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. B - BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning. C - COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours... [cały ->]

I'd Love To But...(Pt IV)

Continuing with our list of dumb excuses that will guarantee you won't be invited out again! (unless of course your married an the wife makes you go!) I'D LOVE TO BUT... ... I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out. ... I feel a... [cały ->]

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