Angielskie dowcipy / Occasions

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Halloween Funnies!

Halloween Funnies: What do Skeletons say before eating? Bone Appetite. What do blondes and Jack-O-Lanterns have in common? Both have blank expressions and are hollow inside. Why did the Vampire get fired from the Blood Bank? He was caught... [ca³y ->]

Guide to buy a man gifts!

Rules for Buying Gifts for Men Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one know... [ca³y ->]

Directions for making fruitcake

How to make a fruitcake!: --------------------------------- 1 C water 1 C sugar 4 large eggs 2 C dried fruit 1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. salt 1 C brown sugar Lemon juice Nuts 1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey Directions: -----------... [ca³y ->]

Festivity Levels

Festivity Level 1: Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors d'oeuvres. Festivity Level 2: Your guests are talking l... [ca³y ->]

Absent Minded Husband

Anniversaries and birthdays Complicate my life. I'm an absent-minded husband Of a present-minded wife.... [ca³y ->]

Christmas and a day at the office?

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.... [ca³y ->]

The dyslexic satanist

Who did the dyslexic satanist worship? Santa.... [ca³y ->]

Wedding Tragedy

What is a wedding tragedy? To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money!... [ca³y ->]

Your're What?

A recent survey shows that the commonest form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're WHAT?!?!?"... [ca³y ->]

12 days of Christmas (Santa Cruz style)

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS.... SANTA CRUZ STYLE... On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me: TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior ... [ca³y ->]

1970 and year 2000.

Isn't this the truth!... 1970: Long Hair 2000: Longing for hair 1970: The perfect high. 2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund. 1970: Keg. 2000: EKG. 1970: Acid Rock. 2000: Acid Reflux. 1970: Moving to California because it's coo... [ca³y ->]

50 Ways to Appreciate Life

1. Watch the sunset-- on a sled. 2. Smile more, --it might get you a free beer. 3. Complain less. --It might get you a free beer. 4. Surprise a friend with a call. -- It might get you a free beer. 5. Develop your gifts. -- You might need them. 6... [ca³y ->]

A Cynics Guide to Life

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and... Follow your dream! Unless ... [ca³y ->]

Christmas Punnies!

What do elves learn in school? The ELF-abet. How many reindeer does Santa have? 11 (named below): Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph (the one with the red nose), Olive (all of the other reigndeer) and Al (... [ca³y ->]

Why, How, and Ifs?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachut... [ca³y ->]

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