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Angielskie dowcipy / Idoits

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The Psychiatric Hotline

"Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline." If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid... [cały ->]

Things NOT to say to a Cop!

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Goo... [cały ->]

Want Ads- Illiterate?

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. 3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. 4. Dog for sa... [cały ->]

Welfare Claim Statements

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one which was baptized on a half sheet of paper. I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money? Mrs. Jones has ... [cały ->]

Artificial Insemination

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The guy doesn't ... [cały ->]

Bad eyes

A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." He says, "Why's that?" She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes."... [cały ->]

Balls!

Ok this idiot of the first order is invited for a game of golf for the first time, while in another country. He's totally enamoured with the golf ball because he's never seen anything like it before so he carries like, 30 of them back home to give... [cały ->]

Chapped Lips

On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kissed it where the sun don't shine. An old man rocking by the general store witnessed the whole thing. "Whatya do th... [cały ->]

Charlie left town

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. ... [cały ->]

Constipation Remedy

A Bama Graduate was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the grad complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results. "Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked. "What... [cały ->]

Cork it!

There were two teenagers and they just got thru playing basketball. So they went to the showerhouse. They were in the showerhouse and the first teenager noticed a cork up the other teenagers butt. So when they got out of the showerhouse, the firs... [cały ->]

Costume party

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on... just a pair of pants. "Wha... [cały ->]

Genie bottle

A guy is walking along the beach and he stumbles on a Genie Bottle. He rubs it and out pop two Genies. He makes three wishes. When he gets home, he hears a knock on the door and outside there are 20 beautiful naked women. Walking back inside he sees... [cały ->]

I Didn't Even Know!

Three drunks were sitting at a bar. The first one said... "I went in my daughter's room, looked in the drawer and found a pack of cigarettes." He paused. "I didn't even know she smoked!" The second drunk said... "I can beat that! I went into m... [cały ->]

Literal Actions

Two polish guys walk into a bar and sit down on the stools. All of a sudden, they start masturbating furiously, until the bar owner comes along and screams, "HEY, what the FUCK are you guys doing?! " .. and one of the guys says, "the sign says: F... [cały ->]

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